My Final Letter: I’m Walking Away.

It took me a long time to finally say this. It’s over! True, I am not over you, but I am over wanting to be with you. I am tired of being mentally tormented by you. You have no idea how much pain you put me through. But I don’t expect you to understand because you have never been in my position…fortunately for you. The past few months I kept wishing for miracles and that we could get back together, but now I have come to realize the kind of person you are. You are heartless, selfish, and immature.

You treat me like shit when you know I love you so much and would do anything for you. You don’t value or cherish me. Just because you know that I will always be here for you, you abused my love. I was hoping that you would come to realize what we had and appreciate me, but you don’t and you won’t.

I wanted to believe that these past six years of our relationship had some meaning to you, but your actions have shown me otherwise. For so long, we were each other’s support system. For six years, we grew together, learned from each other, and shared each other’s sorrows and happiness. You were always the first person that I came to; I wanted to share all of my good news with you and turn to you when times were rough. And I loved and accepted you for who you are, despite your past. I never judged you. I was there for you through all the good and the bad, when things went wrong with school and grades, when you had problems at home, stressed out for interviews, I stood by you.

I never left your side, especially when you needed me the most. Yet, you left me when I was in the worst point in my life. Amidst the stress and anxiety of waiting for bar results and worrying about my future career, I hoped to have you by my side. Instead, you caused me more stress and made me doubt myself.

Since we broke up, you turned into a different person. You became selfish, only caring about yourself, your lustful desires, and no one else. Just think about the ideas of this year’s Christmas, you did a half-ass job on everyone’s present, you didn’t even care because you only wanted to save money to go crazy on your triple dates in Vegas. The XX that I knew and loved put everyone before herself and was passionate about helping everyone, always concerned about how others felt.

I know that our relationship had its problems, but what relationship doesn’t? I can’t bring myself to believe any of the reasons that you gave me for our relationship ending. I know that we had a lot of fights, but in six years together, that’s bound to happen. However, you chose to dwell on those unhappy moments and overlook all of our great memories. I know that during our fights, I was wrong to have called you names and say mean things, but I don’t think either of us were clear of fault. You said that I was hot tempered and you tell me that V… is calmer. But that’s because he doesn’t have much to lose. I have six years. I chose to overlook all of those faults and continue working on us because I knew that I loved you too much to let those petty issues get in the way of our future together. If you ever get to this point in your relationship with him, you will see that anyone who loves you enough will fight to keep the relationship alive. When you love someone, you are supposed to stick together through thick and thin. If you understood this concept, you would give us a chance to fix our problems. Instead, you used them as a reason to cover up your actions.

I want you to understand that I saw through all the things that you did and tried to hide from me. I’m not blind to everything that you did with V…, Vegas, and how you emotionally stringed me and him along…I saw it all. But because I loved you, I was willing to go through everything just for you. It kills me inside seeing what you do to me; put yourself in my shoes for once. I know you always think that I’m a sucker when I tell you that I love you and care about you, but I don’t know how else to express it. I did genuinely love you, so I chose to be patient with you.

But, you don’t give a crap about how I feel and you take me for a fool.  You said that you wanted time to figure things out for yourself and yet you immediately went out on dates with V…. You kept on reassuring me that you loved me, that you are lucky to have me, and to just give you a bit more time. You asked me to trust you, all the while you were spending days and nights with him. You did all of this knowing that it hurts me. And then you waited until I was hurt badly enough to where I almost moved on and then you turn around to say that you want to work things out. You knew that I would wait for you, so you kept on coming back to keep me as your backup. I am not your back up.

Before Christmas break was over, you told me that your gut was telling you to choose me because everything was perfect between us. And yet, in the short period soon after, you acted in the exact opposite way. I don’t understand what it was that could change your mind so quickly. Don’t say things you don’t mean, XX. You claimed that you loved me, and then did all of these things to hurt me. Is this what you do to the people that you love?

I’d like you to ask yourself this question: if you are already willing to deceive your new prospective boyfriend, do you think this relationship is going to last? Everything that we did over the break…you were cheating on him. This cycle will go on and on. This is you, and as soon as he realizes that, then your relationship will be far worse than ours because you guys didn’t have that connection like we did to tie us together. I don’t know if you realize it, but you have this problem of not being able to commit. You like to have fun and flirt with other people. When things get tough, you don’t stay. You expect every relationship to be perfect, well guess what…perfection is non-existent. Love and commitment is more than just the sex or the butterfly feelings that you get at the beginning; it’s thinking about building a life together and seeing if everything fits, from family to friends to your views on life.

But my love for you has limits. I have done everything I could to love you. I have reached my limits, and you have crossed the line. Not only did you abuse me, taking everything I did for you for granted, but also disrespected me and us. Ask another human being to see how they would react if they were in my shoes.

In a relationship, it’s not just what happens when you’re in love; what happens when you fall out of love matters too. When a relationship ends, there should be enough respect to work things through and have closure, that’s what the memories we built were for. It’s how people treat each other when things go wrong that defines the person. After we ended, you told people stories about me in order to get them on your side. The story you choose to tell is up to you, but I hope that you have enough respect for our relationship and don’t taint our memories. I don’t want to do anything that will undermine these six years that we had together, and I don’t want to walk away with bitterness towards you. No matter what happens from here on out, I do wish you the best in whatever path you choose.

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